


Holding Hands

by RainbowKittn



Series: Points of Connection [6]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: Emotions, F/F, Hospital, Many of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 23:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowKittn/pseuds/RainbowKittn
Summary: Holtzmann is rushed to the hospital and you are left wondering if she'll be okay.





	Holding Hands

The whir of sirens surrounds you, pressing in on all sides. You perch on a bench, fighting the urge to stroke the blonde head in front of you; they told you not to. You clutch her tiny hand in your own. You can’t tell how hard you’re holding it. Two men work over her. Jargon flies between them as fast as the supplies they pass. A bag of liquid, a sensor, a pair of scissors. One cuts apart her jumpsuit. Some part of you worries after her modesty; there’s no way she would willingly strip in front of two men. The other man attaches sticky sensors to her chest. The first sets up an IV in her hand not currently encased in your own. The sharp beep of a heart monitor fills your buzzing head. At first it’s reassuring. A moment later, it’s worrying. It’s erratic beat pushes a new batch of tears past your eyes. They slide easily down the path many had taken before them. One of the men holds something against her stomach. It is a worrying shade of red.

“Do you know her blood type?”

You sputter as the sound cuts through the deep buzz in your head. You notice one of the men looking at you expectantly. “What?”

“Her blood type? Do you know what it is?”

“O negative.” Universal donor. Rare. The man nods to you as the other reaches into a drawer behind him.

A while ago she disappeared in the middle of the day and came back later with a band-aid on her arm. You asked her about it as she ripped it off that night. “Donated blood. O neg. Gotta do my duty.” She flashed you a grin in the mirror and gave a two-fingered salute. Her answer was flippant, but you could see in the set of her shoulders that she seriously cared.

The men set back about their frenzied movement. Your gaze drops back to her face. A curl is plastered to her forehead. She would have brushed it off by now if she could have. More tears drip off your cheeks.

The vehicle comes to an abrupt stop. Light floods in through opened doors. You rush to hop out as they pull her along. In the hospital. Flurried movement. Yelling. A hand on your shoulder.

“You have to stay out here.”

Her hand rips from yours.

“Please come with me, miss.”

She disappears through doors that rock shut after her.

“There’s a waiting room just this way.”

The hand on your shoulder leads you to a bright room.

“Please, have a seat. The doctor will come talk to you as soon as he can.”

You swallow hard and nod at the kind woman. You stumble to a seat, only vaguely aware of the small smattering of other people in the room. You numbly stare at your hands, jumping at any little noise. Time crawls. You notice wet stains forming on the legs of your jumpsuit. You feel the afterimage of her hand in yours, and clutch them tightly together.

Doors opposite of where you came in fly open. A flurry of red hair rushes to you. You hop up and gladly fall into her embrace. Two more sets of arms find their way around you shortly after. It’s impossible to know which sobs belong to who, but they surround you.

“No word yet?” Abby asks in your ear.

You shake your head. “They were trying to stop the bleeding. Her heart was so fast…” your voice cracks and you choke out another sob. The arms around you circle tighter.

“She’ll be okay. She has to be.” You don’t know who says it. Maybe you all do.

Time stretches infinitely. You break off the group hug and fall back into your seat. The other three Ghostbusters sit around you. Abby hands out tissues. You all need them.

People shift. Names are called, but never the right one. Abby gets everyone water. Patty finds a bathroom to pee. Erin goes to the same bathroom to clean her running eyeliner. More names, more crying. You worry about running out of water in your body. Abby forces more in your hand. Your head buzzes, barely taking in the sound around you. Eventually one word cuts through.

“Holtzmann?”

You jump up to see a man in a white coat standing in front of a door. You rush towards him.

“Are you Jillian Holtzmann’s family?”

“Yes.“ You’re sure you all say that.

“Is she okay?” Your voice sounds strange in your own head. The look in his eyes tells you that you aren’t going to like the answer. You clutch your chest.

“We stopped the bleeding, but she lost a lot. It also appears she sustained a head injury.” You nod. Her head had smacked the wall with a sound that still made your stomach lurch at the thought. “She’s asleep now. We want to keep her sedated until the morning, then we’ll take her off that medication, and we’ll just have to see what happens.” He swallows and you steel yourself. The worst is coming. “We have no way to really know how her head is until she wakes up. She could be completely fine, but the brain is very delicate. Many things can go wrong. We just won’t know until tomorrow.” He looks between the four of you. He must see enough understanding scattered across your faces. “Try to get some rest. I know it’s difficult, but she may need you alert tomorrow, alright?” You nod, knowing it’s a lie. There’s no way you can close your eyes right now. You would just see the red seeping through her jumpsuit; hear her pained cry as she flew through the air...

“We’ll do our best,” Abby assures him. “Can we go in and see her?” She always asks the important questions.

“Yes, you may. I’ll get a nurse to take you. Just stay right here.”

He walks away. You take a breath, unsure of when your last one was. Someone rubs small circles on your back. A tall woman comes over and asks you to follow her.

It’s hard to tell how far you walk through the long, winding hallway, but she finally opens a door. You take a slow step in. Wild curls spread over a pillow. You run to her side. You take her hand back into yours. You finally sweep the sticky curl off her forehead. Her face is blank, and you suddenly realize how expressive it usually is, even when she’s asleep. The hospital gown is huge on her. She looks so frail. You look up to find the nurse still talking to Abby, you’re not sure what about.

“Where’s her necklace?” you blurt out before you can take the time to wonder if they’re in the middle of saying something. The nurse looks at you with a soft expression.

“Everything she was wearing is in that bag.” She points to a table. You see a large bag. You faintly hear the nurse apologizing for cutting her clothes, but you are too busy digging through it to care. You try not to think about the blood soaking the destroyed fabric under your hands. Finally you see a flash of silver. You pull the chain and are happy to find the necklace unbroken. “You can take it, but we need her to not be wearing it for right now, okay?” The nurse seems to speak louder to make sure you hear it.

“Yeah, okay.” You look at the nurse to reassure her that you mean it. You attempt to politely smile, but are pretty sure you completely fail. You run a finger over the metal as you cross back to re-take her hand. Just before you do, you make a decision. You reach up and close the clasp behind your own neck. The weight of the steel pendant is a pleasant reminder of it’s existence. You scoop up her hand and trace gentle patterns in the back of it. Your gaze roams her face. You’ve never wanted anything more than you want to see her soft blue eyes right now.

The nurse leaves the room. The other three women gather around the small bed. You all stare at its occupant, and try desperately not to think about how lifeless she looks. No one says anything for minutes, for hours, forever. Salty water splashes to the thin blanket. You trace patterns on the back of her hand. Equations. Silly words. Declarations of love.

The other three start talking. You can’t hear them. You’re thinking about that first night. About her dancing to Joan Jett. About kissing on top of the table. You’re thinking about watching her work. Watching her smile at you across the room. Watching her sleep- so peaceful, so unlike this moment. You’re thinking about the last few weeks. About all the times you almost told her that you loved her. Every time you chickened out. Every time you bit your tongue in a moment of passion to keep it from slipping out. Every time you felt it deep in your heart, and knew from her look that she felt it too. You wonder if you waited too long… the wet spot on the blanket beneath you gets darker.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn towards it; Abby.

“Did you hear that?” Her voice is soft. Her eyes are rimmed red. You shake your head. She smiles softly. “There’s a small area just down the hall that has couches. We were just talking about taking shifts to try to get some food and some rest…”

“I’m not leaving her,” you cut her off. You clutch the small hand in your own tighter.

“You need to try to rest.”

“I can’t leave.” Your voice wobbles. Tears threaten a reappearance. Abby nods lightly.

“Okay. The other three of us will take shifts so you’re not alone.” Erin and Patty offer words of agreement. In a moment three pairs of arms wrap around you. They all know how hard this is for you. You know it’s hard for them, too. Your relationship with her is deeper, but they’ve known her much longer. They fought beside her during the Rowan incident. They’ve saved each other’s lives.

Abby ushers the other two out with words of food and rest. Erin says she’ll bring something up for you to eat. You smile in thanks, but don’t think you could keep anything down. Your gaze falls back to the bed. You smooth out her frazzled hair. Abby pushes a chair behind you and tries to get you to sit. You shake your head and tell her that you just can’t right now. She pulls up a chair of her own on the other side of the bed.

Abby takes her other hand and starts talking to her and sniffs back tears. You don’t listen, but you swear you hear a very soft, “You can’t abandon me.”

Eventually Erin comes in. She puts some food for you on a nearby table. You don’t touch it. She takes the hand that Abby drops as she leaves. Erin stands quietly and gently rubs her arm. Eventually she sits. She lets tears fall softly as you wait in silence.

Patty takes over. She sits in the chair and talks about random things. She sings one of the blonde’s favorite songs. Her voice never wavers, but the moisture in her eyes gives her away. Before she leaves, she leans over the bed and smooths back frazzled hair to plant a soft kiss with a murmur of “wake up soon, ya little crazy.”

Abby comes back. She forces you to sit, telling you it’s been hours. Her eyes are still red.

Erin wraps her arms around her middle and takes too long between blinks.

Patty talks to keep herself awake, too afraid to go to sleep.

~~~~~

You lean forward in your chair, gaze fixed on the hand in your own. This hand can make machinery that you could never understand. It can shape metal with ease. It can weld with extreme precision. It can tighten a bolt one moment, and caress your cheek the next. It can create weapons of destruction. It can cause your entire body to quake with pleasure. Right now it feels so frail. It feels so very breakable. Her radiant strength is nowhere to be found, and you ache with desire for it. You lean forward until your forehead rests on the bed. You feel empty. You feel full of sharp edges. You feel nothing. You feel overwhelmed. You cry until you are out of tears. You cry more. You plead to her. “Come back to me.” “I need you.” You don’t dare say you love her. You know it’s true. You know it will shatter you. You clutch her necklace dangling around your neck. It digs into your hand. She looks so small.

~~~~~

You sit back in your chair. It’s pushed as close as possible to the bed, and still your arm stretches out to reach her hand. Patty sits on the other side. She talks about the history of some restaurant. You’ve forgotten which one.

The door opens.

Your head snaps to it. The doctor from last night walks in. He’s followed closely by Erin and Abby. They both look immensely tired. You immediately stand as he nears the bed. He looks between the four of you. You swallow.

“There were no problems through the night, so we’re going to continue on with our plan. In just a moment, we’re going to take her for a scan to make sure there’s no swelling in her brain.” Your grip on her hand tightens. He must notice. “It will only take a couple of minutes. You call can stay here.” He looks between you all again. Erin nods. “As long as everything looks normal, we’ll stop the medication. It will take a little while to wear off, but she could be awake as early as an hour from now.” You feel the tension dip. It doesn’t go away completely, you’re not sure that’s even possible anymore, but it lessens its grip on the room just slightly. That doesn’t last long. “I have to remind you, we won’t know her state until she’s awake. Most patients with injuries like hers have temporary or partial amnesia, so prepare yourselves for that. Their memories usually restore quickly- anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks. You just have to be patient and supportive. If she does have amnesia, it will likely be very frustrating and distressing for her. Just try to keep her calm, it will help. Do you all understand?”

You feel your stomach floundering around your knees. The doctor’s words scramble in your head. You look to the blonde. Tears don’t come anymore. You’ve only known her for a few months. She may not remember you. You don’t know how to handle that. No helpful thoughts come to you. No witty retorts. No brilliant ideas. The most you get is a warm hand on your shoulder and a hum of talking behind you. You feel like you’re going to be sick…

The hand on your shoulder prods you to turn.

The doctor is gone. Two nurses stand in the room instead. Everyone is looking at you expectantly.

“You gotta let go of her hand,” Abby’s voice is softer than you’ve ever heard. Your gaze drops to your hand. You struggle to remember how to open it. Finally, her hand drops to the bed. Abby pulls you backwards a step. The nurses push her bed out of the room. You stare after it.

Three sets of arms wrap around you. The tears find their way back to your eyes, falling in heavy streams. The other ghostbusters hold you, pat your back, stroke your hair, until you stop shaking. They slowly pull back, keeping their eyes on you. You look to the floor, unable to handle their sympathy, their worry.

“Hey, look at me.” Abby’s voice is stern. She grips your upper arms hard. Your eyes fly to hers, wide with surprise. “She’s going to be okay. She may not remember some stuff right away, or even ever, but she’ll still be the same person. She’ll still be the same crazypants goofball, and believe me, she’ll still love you. As far back as I’ve known her, I can’t imagine her not completely falling for you.” With a loud sob, your knees collapse under you. You fall into Abby’s arms. She holds you close and rocks you lightly. “It will all be okay,” she whispers into your ear.

“I never told her…” you choke out. Abby shushes you softly.

“You’ll get to.”

Abby holds you for a moment longer until you manage to hold yourself upright again. Soon after, the nurses wheel her bed back in, followed closely by the doctor. You all look at him intently.

“Everything looks just fine. We’re stopping the sedative now. It will be at least half an hour until she’s awake, but it could be longer. You remember what I talked about earlier?” He looks at the other three before his gaze settles on you. You nod somewhat sheepishly, finding yourself slightly embarrassed. “Alright. As soon as she wakes up, press the nurse call button. We’ll need to run through some tests to see how she is.” You all nod again. Seeming satisfied, he leaves the room. The nurses follow shortly afterward, having put her bed back in it’s place. You immediately reach for her hand.

 

Patty sits.

 

Abby physically pushes you into a chair before her and Erin sit as well.

 

 

You rub circles on the back of her hand.

 

 

 

Her hand tightens just slightly around your own.  
You stare at your joined hands for half a second, not believing what just happened.  
She squeezes it again, slightly harder.

You jump out of your chair.

“Holtzmann?” Your voice squeaks. The other ladies stand around you.

Her eyes flutter for a moment, before she lets out a low groan. “Five more minutes,” she slurs.

Your heart pounds in your chest. You squeeze her hand. Patty presses the nurse call button.

Holtzmann finally opens her eyes, blinking against the harsh white light. She automatically reaches a hand out to her left. You know she’s looking for her glasses.

“They’re not there. I don’t think you can have them yet. You’re in the hospital.” That seems to break through her haze. Her eyes widen. She looks at you. Then around the room. At her hand trapped in yours. Back to you. Then finally settles on Abby. You can see fear in her eyes. You’re afraid to think of what it could mean. She softens slightly at whatever she sees in Abby’s face. Her gaze turns back to you, flickering between your face and your connected hands. Suddenly you realize, and your stomach drops. You start to let go of her hand, but she squeezes it tighter and lightly shakes her head. Her gaze meets yours again. She starts to open her mouth, but is interrupted by a nurse and the doctor from earlier entering the room.

“Good, you’re awake!” He smiles softly.

“What happened?” Holtz asks.

“Well, these ladies can fill you in on the details, but you were hurt. There was a large cut on your abdomen, which we fixed up for you. You also had a head injury. Do you remember your name?” He grabs the clipboard from the end of her bed and a pen from his pocket.

“Holtzmann.”

“Good. Do you know what year it is?”

She looks at you, then Abby. “I’m not sure.”

“That’s okay.” He gives her a soft smile before making a note on the paper in his hand. “Do you recognize these four ladies?”

“I work with Abby at the school.” She nods her head in Abby’s direction. Your stomach churns. You know what’s coming. “And, that’s Erin, right?” She points at Erin, but looks to Abby. Abby nods in confirmation. Holtz looks to Patty. “But I don’t recognize the other two.” Her gaze fixes to yours. You know your sorrow must be on display. “I’m sorry…” You shake your head lightly.

“It’s okay.” You attempt a smile, but can tell it’s not very successful.

“Well, that’s not uncommon after an injury like yours, Miss Holtzmann.” Her gaze lingers on you for a moment before she pulls it away to look back to the doctor. “The brain is very delicate, and sometimes it just gets a little messed up. Let’s just take it slow and let it sort itself out, alright?” Holtz nods. He lifts up the bottom of her sheet, just enough to reveal her feet. “Can you wiggle the toes of your right foot for me?” He goes through a handful of tests, checking her reactions and motor control. Your mind is a haze. The only comfort you take is that she holds your hand tight the entire time.

“Okay, you seem to be doing just fine, Miss Holtzmann. Just try to relax, maybe try to eat something and take a nap in a little bit if you feel like you can. You need to heal, and most likely your memory will return in time.” He offers another small smile before leaving the room with the nurse in tow.

Tense silence stretches between the five of you.

“Pillowfight!” Holtz grabs a pillow from behind her head and lobs it at Patty.

“Really? I’m the one you’re gonna throw it at?” Patty asks indignantly, batting the pillow away. Abby and Erin let out a bout of laughter. Even you let out a small chuckle. Holtz gives a beaming smile as Patty mutters something about “crazy girl” under her breath. When she finally stops laughing, Abby pats Holtz’s leg over the covers.

“He’s right, it’s been almost a whole day since you’ve eaten. Think you could if we get you something?”

“A quesadilla!” Holtz perks up in her seated position. “Ooey, gooey, yummy quesadilla!” she says in a high-pitched voice. Abby just shakes her head.

“I’ll see what I can do. Erin, Patty… come with me?” She gives them both a meaningful look and they quickly excuse themselves, leaving you alone with Holtz.

Your gaze drops back to her hand holding onto yours. She’s silent for a moment.

“You’re wearing my necklace…”

“Oh, yeah.” you blush. “They said you couldn’t wear it yet. I can ask if you want…”

“No, it’s okay.” She squeezes your hand. You look up to her face. Her eyes are soft, but confused. “Are we… uh… together?” Her cheeks are slightly flushed. You smile gently.

“Yeah. But, I mean, no pressure. If you remember and don’t want… or anything…” You fight against the tears that threaten to spill over, determined to make sure she knows you understand…

She squeezes your hand tightly. “I’m glad. You’re so beautiful.” Your mouth falls open slightly as she offers you a wide smile, both of her dimples making an appearance. You snap out of it and smile in return.

“So are you.” She laughs, actually laughs, and you huff. “You are!” You rub the back of her hand with your thumb. “You’re stunning, and so amazingly smart, and the most kind person I’ve ever met.” She blushes and looks down to her lap.

“You seem pretty darn kind yourself… I’m really sorry that I don’t remember you. It must be hard...”

“It’s-” You swallow the lie you’re about to tell. She needs the truth right now. “It’s not easy, no… but it’s not your fault. That damn ghost is gonna be glad he’s already dead when we get back to the firehouse, though…” You grumble the last part under your breath, but she still hears you. She tilts her head almost comically.

“Ghost?”

“Yeah. We, uh, we hunt ghosts. All 5 of us.” She sits up quickly.

“Wait, really?! Does it work? The proton cannon. It works, doesn’t it!?” Her most manic smile alights her face, and you can’t help but smile back at seeing her usual enthusiasm.

“Yeah.” You nod. “I don’t really understand all of it, but yeah, it works. I’m sure Abby and Erin can explain more when they get back.”

“What happened there, anyway? They’re friends again?” She looks… hopeful. She had told you stories of their breakup, and how it had been really hard on Abby, even years later when she started working with Holtz. She was fairly sparse on the details, though. Apparently it had been worse than you thought.

“Yeah. Erin came back one day because Abby put their book up for sale. She knew about a possible haunting, so the three of you went together, and you all saw a… I don’t remember all the technical lingo,” you blush, “but a ghost. It ectoprojected all over Erin.” You smile softly, remembering the countless times you’ve seen Erin covered in the goo. “Then she started working with you, I’m a little murky on exactly why and how, but I know she got fired from a University.” Holtzmann falls back against the bed, taking in all the information you’ve given her.

“And they’re happy now?”

“Yeah. They seem really happy.”

“Good. Abby deserves to be happy.” She has a soft smile.

Suddenly you remember something, and your knees nearly collapse under you. Holtz and Abby had a thing for a while. You don’t know exactly when, but…

“Are…” You struggle to phrase the question. “Do you remember you and Abby being…” Your free hand flails for a moment. She looks at it for longer than usual before realizing what you’re asking.

“Oh. No. I mean, we were fooling around, but nothing serious.” After a heartbeat, she stiffens. “Oh, shit. Did you know that we had…”

“Yeah.” You cut her off before her eyes could get any wider. “I knew you had done something. Not sure exactly what, but yeah. I was just worried that you thought you were still… you know… and then this would be awkward.” You raise your joined hands. “Well, more awkward. It’s probably already awkward for you.” You look intently back to the sheet.

“Naw. I mean, yeah, a little. But it’s good. I’m glad. You really are beautiful.” She seems to study your face. You can feel your cheeks burning. Before you can form a coherent response, the door opens again. Both of your heads turn towards it. Abby, Erin, and Patty walk back in, loaded down with snacks and drinks.

“It worked?!?” Holtz perks up in an aminated question towards Abby. Abby looks confused for a moment.

“I told her we hunt ghosts, and she asked about the proton cannon,” you explain.

“Ah, yeah, sort of. There were some problems early on. What’s the last thing you remember about it?”

Holtzmann and Abby launch into a long discussion about the technology Holtz had built in the last few years. Abby forces food towards both you and Holtzmann, and for the first time since the accident, you willingly drop her hand, sure that no matter what the next few days hold, everything will be alright.


End file.
